Kill My Body Not My Soul
by pitt-writer7
Summary: The wolves were always meant to be a pack. When one leaves...the rest will follow. Jacob/Leah/Sam One-shot


Tan hands reached into the clogged sink filled with soapy water. Suds and bubbles floated in the air as a large pot was scrubbed with lazy circular motions. Besides the soft brushing of cloth on stainless steel and the occasional tweeting bird outside, the house was silent. The TV volume had been turned down to no higher than a soft hum in the living room. The doorbell rang suddenly causing Leah to jump and clang the pot against the faucet. She turned to face in the direction of the door, her shoulder length hair flinging with the motion. Her scrubbing motions paused only momentarily after she sniffed and realized she had no interest in speaking with the person at the door.

"Leah," the male's voice called through the door with an obvious amount of annoyance. "I know you're in there. Open up." Three knocks followed the statement but Leah simply turned on the faucet to rinse the soap off her pot. A low grumble was the response from the ignored man. "Leah…"

"Go away, Sam," Leah called back as she turned the water off and reached for another dish hidden beneath the layer of suds.

"C'mon, Leah, just let me in. Please," he whined slightly. Leah only shook her head, thinking how similar he sounded to when he had begged her to date him in high school. Pathetic. She washed two more dishes before responding to him.

"No," she finally answered, no longer interested in washing dishes anymore. She made her way into the living room knowing very well that Sam was still standing by her front door. They both knew he could easily break the front door if he wanted in badly enough but they also knew she'd throw a bigger fit if he did so he respected the boundaries.

"Leah, we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," she snapped back, her eyes not leaving the television screen displaying a show that she could barely follow considering she'd turned the volume down to barely a whisper even with wolf hearing.

"They're gone, Leah," he countered. Being outside he didn't see the flinch that resonated through her body at his words. "We're all that's left," he continued but the latter words did not affect her as much. She frowned wanting to scream that she knew very well the others were gone. She was reminded every waking moment of everyday that some large part of her was constantly in mourning. "Leah, please," he begged softer this time and only because he sound as sincerely forlorn as she felt she quickly and silently walked to unlock the door. By the time he had pushed the door open she was already seated on the worn couch in the living room again.

Sam didn't join her immediately. He stood lingering just inside the doorway with slumped shoulders, signs of defeat wearing on his large frame. He was visibly torn.

"You're letting the heat out," she hinted dryly at the front door that he had yet to close behind him. He hesitated wondering why she would say such a thing. It was one of those rare nice warm days in LaPush, yet here two overly heated werewolves were inside a house moping.

And she was worried about the heat going out.

"Sorry," he half heartedly apologized anyway as he closed the door. She hadn't looked at him yet, still focusing on the TV program she couldn't hear. Sam glanced at the sink, and the abandoned dishes that had yet to be washed and put away. He imagined he felt like the dishes in the sink, hovering somewhere between cleanliness and un-cleanliness, just as he was hovering between were he was supposed to be and where he was meant to be. He shook off his delirium wondering why he was being so melodramatic as to identify with a few dirty plates and cups. "Emily's cooking steak and redskin mashed potatoes tonight," he paused when she tensed in her seat. "We thought it would be nice if you came over and had dinner with us."

"No, Sam."

"She even said she would steam some broccoli," he continued almost as if he hadn't heard her immediate rejection. "And melt some cheddar cheese because she knows you really like that."

"No, Sam."

"You should really get out of this house, Leah," he said his tone pleading but he hid it under a false calm. "It's a nice day today-"

"I said no Sam!" she screamed as she slammed her fist into the side table next to the couch shattering it into pieces. Sam for his part hadn't even jumped, as if he had been expecting the response. They remained in silence for a few moments waiting for the proverbial dust to settle. Leah still refused to face him. Instead she kept her fist clenched as the cuts healed. It was the only part of her shaking. She clenched harder, determined not to let the anger overtake her. She had been dong so well…

"_What's it matter to you, Clearwater? Huh?" Leah watched as he grabbed for a tree branch, snapping the large piece of bark with hardly any effort. She had been on patrol- graveyard shift -when she noticed someone running like mad across the border. She wouldn't have cared normally but this certain pack mate of hers wasn't in wolf form._

"_Is that what you do Black, run away every time something doesn't work out in your favor?" She sneered back at him and he crumbled the branch into dust. _

"_It's better than locking myself away in my room for months," he spat back and she couldn't stop the flinch, angry at herself for showing weakness from the jab. "At least I'm doing something with my time," he continued but she noticed he wouldn't look at her as he insulted her. Almost as if he was regretful even as he said it or he just couldn't stand to see the hurt he knew he was inflicting._

"_Right," she laughed bitterly. "Because getting run out of your own town by some vampires and a white girl is so much more admirable. He growled at her, his eyes flashing in anger. She seemed more comfortable now that he was actually looking at her even if she knew she was communicating more with his angry wolf side than innocent little Jacob._

"_You don't know anything about it," he growled lowly. _

"_Don't I?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest. Jacob stared her down in a challenge for a few moments before snarling in frustration at her smirk._

"_I'm outta here," he said before yanking his t shirt over his shoulders. "Don't follow me, Leah" he all but commanded before reaching down to pull off his shorts._

"_Oh don't you worry Black_ , _I'd never be inclined to follow you anywhere," she had countered but he was already wolf and sprinting off before she could finish._

Her hand was open now, the cuts healed, the blood no longer dripping onto the pieces of wood that was once her mother's side table. Sam had not moved any closer since her little episode and she was grateful, not knowing what would have been her response if he had come near. When Sam figured she had calmed down enough he proceeded to talk again. "Leah, we still have a job to do. We have to protect the tribe. You can't stay cooped up in here like this." She tensed again recalling Jacob's similar words to her. "I know you're hurting-"

"You don't know anything, Sam," she hissed. It was irrational she knew because he was feeling the familiar emptiness that she was, but she also knew it wasn't quite the same as hers. Hers was more personal. She suddenly got up and flicked the TV off. She made her way quickly into the kitchen again, bypassing Sam as if he wasn't standing in her hallway that separated the kitchen and living room. She resumed her chore of washing the dishes. He sighed before joining her in the kitchen choosing to sit at the dining table behind her.

"Can't we just talk like adults, for once?"

"We will when you start acting like one."

"Leah," he admonished and she would have laughed at how fatherly he sounded until she remembered that she had dated the man before and he had no right to treat her as such. Exes or not.

"Sam," she quipped back not missing a beat while washing a bowl. That is until she realized what bowl she was washing and she almost felt her knees buckle when she wiped suds away from the baseball team's logo.

"_What kind of wuss just runs off," Paul sneered before angrily biting off a piece of his muffin. The pack was having their weekly meeting which now included discussing Jacob's apparent absence. Though he had run away before, now that Bella Swan and Edward Cullen were married it seemed Jacob wasn't planning on returning anytime soon. Three weeks had passed and no one had heard even a stray thought from him. "Good thing he wasn't the alpha," Paul grumbled around his half chewed food. _

_Leah hadn't voiced an opinion noticing how fidgety and unsure her brother had become. At first. Leah hadn't noticed a thing but it seemed that the longer Jacob was away the more jumpy her brother became. He looked so awkward now-if she wasn't mistaken- especially angry with Paul's biting remarks. _

"_Jacob's decisions are not the main issue here. When he decides to come back we will welcome him just as before," Sam said ending that discussion with a meaningful look at Paul. He then turned to face the others. "Our concern is the Cullens. If Bella returns to Forks as one of them, we will have no choice but to go to war." _

"_But Sam," Seth began to plead but Sam cut him off with a hand._

"_We can't turn cheeks on this, Seth. They turn Bella, they violate the treaty." Seth hadn't argued anymore but Leah could tell a lot was on her brother's mind. And by the way he was nervously rubbing his hands together it was something more than Bella's impending doom. He was seated at the counter and she had been standing a little behind. She stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder willing him to calm down because quite frankly his motions were worrying her._

"_Seth," she said softly trying not to attract attention from the others. "What's wrong?" He stopped moving for a long moment and she thought maybe he was simply anxious. _

"_I can't say," was his cryptic response before he resumed his previous movements. Leah didn't push it, choosing to interrogate him at home later when the pack wasn't around. But she never really had the chance. He'd uncharacteristically left the meeting before her sometime between patrol assignments and Emily serving hot chocolate. When she had reached home he was throwing clothes and cash into a small bag. He'd left the house a mess, as he furiously threw the items around. Leah had to run up and grab both his arms to get his attention. His eyes she noticed were darkened and her first thought had been maybe her brother had turned to drugs but she realized she knew that look. It was those eyes of the pack when one is stuck between man and wolf. It took him a moment to recognize her._

"_Seth, where are you going?" She asked trying to stop the panic form rising in her tone. _

"_I…I don't know," he said shakily almost as if he didn't trust his own voice. "But I have to, he's calling me." Seth had gently pushed past Leah before she realized he was trying to leave. _

"_Seth, no!" She said and latched onto his wrist as he made it to the door. It didn't even slow him down. This sudden urge to leave was possessing him in a way that had him half dragging his slightly weaker sister out the door with him. "Seth, wait. Who's calling you?" She ran in front of him, blocking his path. He finally stopped to look at her._

"_Jacob," he answered simply but it held so much reverence that Leah found herself momentarily stunned. Seth quickly stepped around her continuing his trek into the woods. She had followed him first in human form then phasing when he had, to chase him but she couldn't hold his attention. Even with sprinting with all her might she found that somehow her brother was much faster than she. The farther and faster he ran the more his mind slipped from hers and soon she was alone, miles from home hardly catching her baby brother's scent. Leah cursed Jacob Black in her head for somehow pulling her family away from her before she dissolved into silent sobs on the forest floor. _

_She returned to her house sometime the next afternoon to a bunch of crazed pack mates and surprisingly it was Emily pulling her in for a hug. Her house still looked as if a tornado had come through and she was being bombarded with questions from the guys as well as her mother. Emily started rubbing her back as if she were soothing the both of them but she was still confused. _

"_Leah we were so worried," Sue said finally joining her daughter and niece. "I saw the house a mess and…"_

"_We thought you left too," Sam finally stated. Leah was startled. Had they already learned of Seth's disappearance? Sam caught her perplexed look and explained. "Rachel called me this morning. Paul's gone. She said he started ranting and raving about how he was going to _Jacob_. That _Jacob_ was calling him. She couldn't stop him before he left." Leah looked down and frowned._

"_Seth's gone," she finally said earning a few gasps. "I knew something was wrong with him yesterday but by the time I got here he was too far gone for me to talk him out of it. I tried to chase him down but-" she stopped. They could fill in the blanks. Somehow the fastest wolf in the pack couldn't catch up to her brother. "But Paul-?" she asked confused as to why the guy who had just been insulting Jacob, would follow him._

"_Paul's been…" Sam trailed off then shook his head before continuing. "He's been different. I think he's been acting, over compensating, to cover it up but it must've become too much. I don't know what's going on." Sam's admission kept everyone silent for a few moments longer. Leah didn't question anymore. Not that she wasn't concerned for her pack brother's safety it's just that her concern for her blood brother was overshadowing it. _

"_What are we gonna do Sam?" Jared asked from his place sat atop the kitchen counter. It was then that Leah focused on the others in the house. Sam, her mother, and Emily were surrounding her, Jared in his spot, and Quil standing near the dining table where Collin and Brady were both seated. Had Leah known then what she knew now, she would have paid more attention to the silent brooding Embry standing in the dark recesses of her living room._

"Leah?" Sam asked breaking her out of her thoughts. When she didn't respond he'd gotten up to stand next to her. One look at the bowl she was holding and he swore under his breath. He recognized it as Seth's special cereal bowl. He grabbed it from her hands to finish washing it with little protest from her. Sam didn't like how quiet Leah was being. Her mind wasn't wandering but he knew the signs as well as she did. She was being too isolated and too introverted. Her constantly depressed state worried him. He had heard about how she had been when he broke up with her. Somehow he couldn't imagine it as being as bad as now. When he turned the faucet on full blast she jumped slightly.

"I'm fine Sam," she answered in what was an especially delayed reaction. "Now if you don't mind could you get out of my house?" She demanded more than asked as she pointed towards the front door. Sam took a moment to look into her eyes immediately recognizing the emptiness in them. She held his gaze for a moment before turning back to her dishes fully expecting him to take the hint and leave. He started to before he stopped took in a breath and turned back to her.

"Try not to worry too much about them," he began sincerely. "I'm sure Jacob, reckless kid that he is, is watching over Seth." His assurance brought little comfort to Leah as it was something she already knew. Of course Jacob would never intentionally let any harm come to her brother. But without her there to make sure for herself- "They'll come back home, Lee-Lee."

"Get out," she spat in another uncontrolled bout of anger. She'd tolerated his presence for long enough, but the …the pet name was where she drew the line. She should have been over it by now, over his constant rubbing it in her face of what could've been. This time he obeyed without looking back. She didn't release the tension in her body until she heard the front door click closed and his feet pad down her walkway. _'They'll come back home'_ she mocked in her thoughts. She knew he didn't know anymore than she about the whereabouts of the others.

"_Help!" the cry caused everyone in the room to snap their heads in attention to the front door of Emily's house. Sam was the first to run out into the night stopping once he spotted who was on the front porch. Jared and Leah followed him while Quil convinced Emily to hang back in case of danger. Leah pushed through the door and stood next to Sam. There on the porch stood a battered Collin supporting a barely conscious and bloody Brady . Jared and Sam immediately stepped forward to pull Brady off of Collin and bring him into the house. Leah stayed next to a breathy Collin and offered the young teen a hand in comfort. Her face softened._

"_Besides the obvious, any lasting injuries you can feel?" she asked him as she guided his worn figure into the house ignoring his nudity. He shook his head._

"_I'm fine, Brady took the worst of it," he said wincing in pain from some unknown place as he spoke. Their paths were blocked by a halfway undressed Quil._

"_Is there a leech still out there?" Quil asked quickly ready to phase and finish whatever the two younger ones hadn't. _

"_No, no leech," Collin said giving Quil and Leah pause. "Just Embry." Quil's forehead creased in confusion. "I didn't know he packed so much power." Collin let out a halfhearted chuckle. _

"_Embry did this to you?" Leah asked incredulousness heavy in her voice knowing the damage done to them was far more extensive than the normal pack skirmishes. _

"_He was running the border but he was in such a foul mood that he wasn't really putting up with Brades or me. Brady was near him then he asked him a question, I don't even remember what it was and suddenly he was trying to rip him to shreds. I ran as fast as I could to get Embry off him. He fought with me then Brady joined back in and he was like some unstoppable machine. Even with the two of us we couldn't hold him down. Eventually he just kept growling at us and told us to let him go. We did mainly because I was too exhausted to fight him and he knocked Brady out so he had no say." The others inside had heard all he said save for Emily who was panicking and asking Sam what was going on. Leah froze immediately recounting Embry's behavior over the past few days. Something should have pointed to this moment, something obvious but what she had seen of him didn't seem too out of the ordinary. Sure he was more sullen than usual but he was still Embry and everybody had their bad days, it was easy to brush off._

"_We have to find him," Quil said resuming his disrobing. _

"_Brady's injuries require our attention first," Sam countered Quil's exclamation but Quil wouldn't back down easily._

"_For all we know Embry could have lost his godda….darned mind and could be going on a killing spree right now!" Under different circumstances Leah would have laughed at his self censoring an attribute he'd picked up since spending so much time around young and impressionable Claire. "Not all of us are needed to tend to Brady, some of us can go out and look for Embry."_

"_I don't think he was going to do anything. I think he just wanted to get away." Collin explained once Quil had settled down. _

"_Then why did he attack you?" Quil shot back._

"_We were in the way," Collin said with a shrug. "He had been focusing on Jacob a lot in his thoughts. Brady probably asked him something about that." Leah noted Collin's nonchalance . _

_A frustrated hand found its way into Quil's hair at the statement. The pack's thoughts were similar at that moment. They had lost another brother to Jacob Black. The question was where were they going, where had Jake led them and why did it suddenly seem like they were getting picked off one by one?_

Leah looked down at her now empty sink not quite recalling finishing up her mindless chore. With nothing else planned for the day, Leah made her way up the stairs an into her bedroom. She lay on her bed wide awake having not expelled much energy in the past few days. She tossed and turned. Her mind going back to the day after Embry had left. Sam had called her at her house saying that both Collin and Brady's parents reported their boys missing. Brady had fully healed sometime during the night assuring Emily he was well enough to go home. Both had apparently caught onto Embry's brain waves and jumped ship. And just like that over half the pack was gone.

Leah settled for laying on her back when the phone chirped on her nightstand next to her bed. She hesitated, her heart skipping a beat wondering who had gone missing now then remembering that unless it was Emily calling her, Sam was still accounted for. She grabbed the phone and noticed it was her mother. They exchanged greetings as they did everyday Sue found herself spending the night at Chief Swan's house. Leah grimaced at the thought, wondering why her mother didn't find it pertinent to spend as much time with her daughter as she could considering her son and nearly all the members of the pack had gone missing over the past few months.

"You don't sound fine Leah," Sue argued through the phone when her daughter tried to assure that she was. "Do I need to come home?"

"No mom," Leah argued preferring her solitude to the inevitable overbearing that would be her mother if she came home right then. "I'm fine, just leave it alone," Leah murmured. Sue remained quiet for a few moments.

"It's a nice day today," Sue finally said. "You should get out and enjoy it." Leah knew that was more a parental command than a friendly suggestion. She grumbled low enough that her mother couldn't hear it, before she brought out her falsely sincere voice.

"I'll do that."

"Don't you use that tone with me Leah!" Leah sighed.

"Alright mom," she replied with hardly any apology in her voice. "I gotta go."

"Bye-" Leah clicked the end call button before her mother barely finished. She knew she'd hear about that later but she didn't care at the moment. She fell back onto her bed. The pack members that had been left thought that their pull to their imprints would be enough to keep them. Even though Paul had left they figured it was because he had been the most recently imprinted and the relationship with Rachel hadn't solidified enough. Rachel had taken offense to that comment. Nevertheless the guys had all tuned into Leah, figuring with no imprint and no real reason for staying she would be the next target. Of course in all their hovering over her none noticed Quil's over obsession with the disappearance of both his best friends turn unhealthy. He'd simply been playing with Claire at Emily's one day. They had been playing blocks one moment and the next Quil bolted out the door like a bat out of hell. It had happened so fast that Sam barely had time to phase and chase after him before the younger wolf had already reached and overtook Jared who was on patrol. By the time Leah was called and informed, there wasn't a trace of Quil Jr anywhere.

"Leah…" the ghost like calling of her name should have frightened her, or at the very least startled her. But she simply sighed in barely recognized annoyance, willing her eyes to not leave the cracks in her ceiling. "Leah…" the voice came again. She didn't acknowledge it.

"Dude I think she's ignoring you," came another voice and she couldn't stop the slight gasp and her curiosity forced her eyes to meet one corner of her room. And come face to face with Jared. He was smirking, standing there with a knowing twinkle in his eyes. She tried to believe it wasn't really Jared. That it was an apparition of him but whether it was real or something conjured up in her head she still wasn't sure.

"Oh really, Leah, you look at him but not me," came the original speaker, whom Leah had immediately recognized as Quil. "He's not even as good looking as I am," Quil argued from the other side of her room.

"I beg to differ Ateara," Jared quipped his eyes never leaving Leah's. She'd long since gotten over the fact that while these nightly visits happened the "ghost pack" seemed to only have eyes for her, only pay complete attention to her even if they conversed with each other. Which is another reason why she was sure it was all in her head. Her real pack brothers didn't have the gall to look her dead in the eyes, they usually side swiped her with glances or thought about her in passing but never full on.

"So you finally found them?" Leah asked Jared finally speaking. The first few nights she had believed she was going crazy (granted she still did) but she thought that as long as she didn't respond to the apparitions she wasn't certifiably insane. Well, that will power lasted all of two weeks. Collin and Brady could be a pair of persuasive little brats even as ghosts. Jared nodded in response to her obvious question. "Having fun?" To which he only grinned wider.

"Loads," he answered after a moment and while he was trying to hide behind a sarcastic tone, Leah could tell he was actually sincere in the statement. And that made her frown slightly. What right did they have to have loads of fun while she was here fretting over their well being?

Then she shook her head trying to remind herself they weren't real, that this was her mind-her wolf mind- coping with the loss of its pack. Making her think she could still see her brothers, could still hear them in her head.

Sue was going to admit her for sure.

And she briefly wondered when her mother had become just Sue.

"Clear that pretty little head of yours Clearwater," Leah snapped out of her thoughts to Paul looking cocky as ever sitting at her desk chair which just so happened to be facing her bed. "Can't have you zoning out on us now can we?"

"Shut it Paul," she snapped causing the other two boys to "Ohh," at the inevitable fight. It was one thing that Leah loathed. Paul had run off to Jacob around the same time Seth did, which meant she'd seen a lot of him early on in her denials. And he always the only one to ever choose a piece of furniture. Though she recognized that none ever got close to her bed. Or within arms length for that matter. It must have been her minds way of protecting her from realizing they were fake, or would that be hurting her by making her think they were real. In any case she'd never touched them. And if she moved, well, they were like birds, sudden movements caused them to scatter like the wind.

"Can't you lay off her for one night?" Embry's placating voice came from her right. He was standing next to her nightstand as if he'd been there all along. Leah opened her mouth to say something to him when another voice joined in.

"Yeah Paul, stop hassling my sister," And Leah nearly gave herself whiplash turning to the last uninhabited corner which was now taken up by Seth along with the two wonder twins, Collin and Brady. Collin, giving the latter a noogie. Seth rarely ever showed these days and when he did she forced herself to remain awake for a long time.

"Watch yourself Seth," Paul warned. "Your sister can't help you right now." Leah wanted to retort against that statement saying that no matter where she was, she would hunt Paul down and throttle him if he so much as laid an unwelcome finger on her brother. But the words never came out because she was suddenly nervous. Never had they all showed up before. Usually she would see only one or two of them a night and it was usually the latest to leave or the ones she had been dwelling on the most. But tonight the entire pack was here. She glanced back at Jared remembering how Kim had told her, Sam, Emily, and the council that she couldn't bare to see Jared so torn and had simply told him to go.

"Go," was all she said and he'd kissed her then ran without glancing back. And there he was in her bedroom with the others and she couldn't help but feel some guilt about keeping this from the imprints and Sam not to mention all the feelings of dread that were rising within her. Keeping her gaze with Jared she hadn't noticed that they had all fallen silent along with her introspection.

"Why are you all here?" she finally asked glancing around at all of them who held her gaze steadily. No one seemed willing to answer. Not until-

"Because I asked them." And with four words Leah stopped breathing. There, standing at the foot of her bed in all his glory was the reason her life had gone down the drain.

"You-," she snarled angrily ready to lunge at him but stopping when he unrepentantly sat down.

On her bed.

Within arms length of her.

She froze, the angry words catching in her throat as he looked at her with those soulful eyes. She tried looking away but couldn't. She wanted to touch him, see if he was real but at the same time she didn't He sat but didn't make an imprint in the bed. It should have told her he wasn't real but she couldn't be sure unless she touched him.

"Leah-"

"Jacob," she said interrupting him. "Where did you take them? Where have you gone? Where's my brother?" She all but screamed choosing to zero in on only Jake's eyes and no one else's. They were all pawns in this, she saw that now obviously, but he was the ring leader. "Tell me now Black or I swear to God-"

"You'll know when you come to us," he said in that gentle boy like fashion with just a slight air of authority. She was shaking her head before he even finished.

"No-"

"Leah-"

"I won't Jacob. I won't. I'm not coming with you….because you're a coward and I don't follow cowards!"

"You're following Sam," Quil said off to the side.

"Oh burn," Embry echoed causing the younger ones to laugh though Paul and Jared seemed affronted by the comment.

"I'm not following anybody," Leah responded before the argument got out of hand. "I'm here because someone has to watch over the tribe while you all run off and have your testosterone party in the woods!"

"The tribe is safe," Jacob argued. "The Cullens are gone," Leah squinted wondering how he knew that piece of information, "they wont attract other leeches to the land."

"How do you know?" she asked doubting. "More could come later. Other leeches could seek them out here they-"

"We still watch over our people, Leah." Almost as in answer, a howl broke out in the woods. Leah couldn't recognize it as any of her brothers but she realized it was night out already and raining. What had happened to her beautiful day? "Come with us," Jacob urged again. Leah could almost feel the anticipation rise in the room, everyone waiting for her answer. That was until she heard a scuffle outside her door. All heads turned in the direction Leah was facing. Brady stood closest to the door inspecting it.

"What is it?" she asked him but the young teen only shrugged. "Mom is that you?" she asked then promptly heard frantic whispering coming from outside her door.

Leah hadn't paid attention to the fact that sometime during her "visit" her mother had indeed returned home. And once Sue had heard what sounded like Leah conversing with other people she had promptly called Sam. Sue had noticed the strange behavior going on with her daughter but had never had proof. Now she and Sam were huddled outside the door completely undetected by Leah until that moment. Sam was gritting his teeth as Leah spoke to "Jacob" but hearing no replies to her sporadic ones he was becoming concerned.

"Sue we have to do something," Sam stated seriously. "She's obviously not talking in her sleep. We may…" he paused already regretting his next words. "We may have to get her some help."

"Professional help?" Sue asked, her face completely crestfallen. Though she had been considering the notion for a few days it pained her to think that her assumptions now had some merit. It was just one of those things you never wanted to be right about.

"Mom?" came the call again from inside and somehow Sue couldn't help but identify that voice with the cries of a lost little girl. Sue closed her eyes to stop the threatening tears.

"Yeah hon, it's me," she attempted to say with as much confidence as she could muster at the moment.

"You're home early," Leah noted and it took Sue a few tries to formulate a response.

"Yeah, Charlie had to work." Sue swallowed a particularly tight knot in her throat away. "Leah listen, are you okay in there?"

"Yeah mom I'm fine," and it came out the same way it had when they talked on the phone earlier. Menacing to most. Completely unconvincing to a mother.

"I want to come in," Sue said in more of an order than a request. Leah hesitated before answering.

In truth Leah wanted to take one last glance at the pack before they all disappeared when her mom would enter. But she stopped when she smelled a scent she hadn't picked up earlier. "Mom why is Sam here?" she asked in disgust. She was still angry about earlier and wondered why her mother hadn't mentioned the demolished side table in the living room.

"Leah let me in," Sue said in what Leah perceived as a slightly more frantic voice. Sam still hadn't said anything even though Leah could clearly sense him right outside her door. The pack hadn't left, watching the back and forth with little interest.

"Why is Sam here?" she asked again, now on high alert as to the secrecy and why Sam was choosing to remain silent. Sue seemed to give in and Leah could hear her steps retreating down stairs. She turned to face Jacob who looked more serious now.

"You should come with us Leah," he said in a tone that made the _should_ sound more like a _need_ but Leah only looked at him quizzically wondering why the sudden change in his demeanor. She had been ready to respond when she remembered that Sam was still outside the door, then wondering how long he had been out there and how much of her talking had he heard. "Leah please," Jacob begged pulling her eyes back to his. He was pleading and she wondered if he had suckered everyone else into joining him by using his puppy dog eyes.

She smirked remembering the last words she'd said to him.

"Never," she whispered and he growled immediately.

"You're a stubborn fool, Clearwater," Jacob said with equal parts anger and sadness. He had gotten closer now and Leah could hardly contain her curiosity at wanting to touch him but she was interrupted by a banging on the door.

"Leah open up," came Sam's sudden command. It was then that awareness flooded to her. Her mother was on the phone talking frantically to someone, crying almost, Emily was downstairs as well and judging by Sam's heart rate he was either nervous, scared or angry she couldn't tell. "Leah, open this door now!"

The chaos outside her room was in complete contrast with the somber calm inside. The pack was still in their spots but all heads hung low. As opposed to before no one wanted to make eye contact with Leah but focus seemed to still be all on her.

"-yes she's in her room now. ..She's calm at the moment… The reservation… She won't open the door, no-" Leah took in a breath realizing her mother was on the phone talking to someone about her. But who?

"Leave this place now, Leah," came her brother's saddened voice and Leah was so close to caving and saying she would.

"Seth, I-" she couldn't continue because at that moment Sam chose to break into her room. Jacob slid away from her until he was standing in his original spot at the foot of her bed. She had expected the pack to disappear once Sam entered but they all still held their positions almost unfazed by the flood of people that came in. She realized that no one else acknowledged the runaway sons of LaPush because obviously no else could see them but she couldn't stop looking at Jacob. Even as Sam pinned her down to her bed by her shoulders and told her to calm down. She hadn't even realized she'd been struggling. Her mother lingered in the doorway, Emily had come in to echo her fiancé's sentiments but the emotion at seeing what she thought was a mentally broken and exhausted Leah was too much for the scarred woman and she soon left the room in tears. It was only after two white scrubbed men entered the room that Leah truly realized what was happening. "No!" she roared pushing away from Sam finally when his grip loosened and breaking through her bedroom window, ghost pack forgotten.

"Leah!" Sam yelled as he followed her easily. She was so overwhelmed that she couldn't focus and Sam caught her before she had even reached the tree line. "Leah stop! We're going to get you some help."

"By putting me in a straight jacket!" she yelled seeing the two stranger male hospital officials coming outside of her house.

"Leah, it's for your own good-" he stopped when she struggled in his grasp but she knew it was futile. He was stronger than her. She was faster but that had failed her when she needed it. Her struggling resulted in both of them falling to the ground, Leah's shirt being ripped as she tried squirming away from Sam, her cries noticed but going unheard. A few lights in nearby houses turned on at the desperate cries but Leah figured someone was already doing damage control. She only wanted to get away.

"Let me go!" she yelled as the men bound her hands like a prisoner. Had Sam paid attention he would have realized that had Leah really lost her mind she would have simply phased and shook out of the holds of the very human hospital officials. But she didn't still knowing her duty to protect the secret and the men that were binding her.

* * *

'Jake was right,' she thought. 'I am a stubborn fool.' She was sitting in her white walled room. That night, they'd taken her away to be put under observance in the Psyche Ward at Fork's Hospital. But policy permitted her only to stay for three days, after which she was released to a specialist at a psychiatric Hospital near Seattle. Most nights she spent wondering what she would be doing if she had run with that pack. Gone with Jake like he asked, like he told her to. He'd been warning her and she ignored him. But then, she thought, it was his fault she'd been considered crazy in the first place. The door clicked open.

"Here's your lunch Miss Clearwater," said the nurse as she sat down the tray of food on the table next to Leah's bed. "I even mashed up your meds in with your apple sauce."

"Funny," Leah replied dryly hating how the nurse treated her like she was 5 just because she was the youngest patient in the hospital. The nurse simply smiled then turned to leave Leah to her thoughts when a thought struck her.

"Oh and you have a visitor, I can send them up now or wait until you've eaten."

"Now's fine," Leah said in more of a mumble. The only visitors she got regularly were her mother and Emily. Her mother usually came twice a week. Emily would bring her baked goods every other week. Others from the reservation would show up with her mother usually, like Billy. They'd talk to her and she'd indulge them, sounding more and more like a hollow version of herself. Sam used to come but he soon learned that Leah did not appreciate his presence at all and usually lashed out at him. That was 7 months ago. Too bad it had taken him 6 months before that to figure out she didn't want him around.

Of course ever since that night she hadn't heard nor seen tide or tail of the pack. She went from regretting not listening to Jacob's advice to cursing them for having gotten her put in here. She swore if this had been some epic joke to them she was going to hunt them all down and shred them into little wolf slippers. If she ever got out. She reached over to grab her tray, content with eating the sub par food she had been served daily for the past year. She avoided the apple sauce when she realized that the nurse had yet again forgotten to bring her something to drink. And let it be known that Leah was not one to eat her food without having a receptacle of liquid at the ready.

The door clicked again before she could voice her frustration.

"For a second there I thought you forgot-" Leah's words stopped when she looked up at the door and realized it was in fact, not the nurse with her juice.

"Hey," came the unrepentant male voice holding a cup. "The nurse told me to bring this up to you."

"Sam," she said in cold greeting as he placed the cup down on her tray. She glanced inside the cup and silently noted that it was grape juice. She hated grape juice.

"How are you doing?" he asked after an awkward moment of silence was shared between them. Leah stared at him blankly and it looked as if she wasn't going to answer him.

"How am I doing?" she asked in an eerie calm. "You try being locked up in a cage for 13 months being coddled, and talked to, and counseled when you know you're not crazy. Though in your case I'm not so sure that would be the case, because no sane person would willingly lock up a clearly stable person."

"Leah-"

"Don't Leah me!" she spat unwilling to let him get a word in. "I loved you, you know that. Loved," she stressed the word with the look of utmost sincerity and utmost disgust. "And I probably would have forgiven you for leaving me, eventually. But you -" she paused letting the word hang in the air as she calmed herself only slightly to gather her thoughts. "You are a despicable human being for doing _this to me."_

"Leah please," he asked quickly reaching forward to clasp her hands in his. "I only wanted to help you. I have only ever wanted to help you. I care for you. I saw what path you were going down and I was not going to stand idly by while you drowned in a sea of depression. Not again."

"That wasn't depression," she said decidedly. "They were all I had," she said nostalgically thinking on her nights with the ghost pack. Thinking how different it was from the days when she had to put on a façade for the other people that meant little to her and she to them. "And you took them away from me."

"I didn't take-"

"You took them away from me!" she screamed at him and she immediately calmed herself lest an attendee was alerted and sedated her. She hated the drugs. She hated how they would drag her down make her lethargic. She especially hated how they forced her wolf into submission. It was like being trapped inside her own body, which was trapped in the binding in this room. In short she felt like one of those matryoshka dolls. She shifted her body but it was a wasted effort, she was bound to her bed near her upper thighs, like a lap belt. "I hope when you go home at night, all you can think about is how you destroyed my life."

Then a singled tear rolled down. Leah looked almost disgusted that Sam had the audacity to cry in front of her, while she was the one in this predicament. She opened her mouth-

"Wow, Leah, I think you broke Sam the Dam." Only to snap it shut before she could call her ex a sissy. Standing next to her bed was none other than Jacob Black, looking just like he did over a year ago, a smirk on his face. She was in so much shock that she couldn't stop what happened next.

"What are you doing here Jake?" she asked, looking at him and completely missing the startled gasp that escaped Sam. He was confused obviously, not being able to see Jacob and not being subjected to watching Leah while she- "You tell me to follow you then abandon me for a year? That tiny brain of yours couldn't find me?" Jacob's grin only grew as he uncurled his arms from across his chest.

"Thought I'd make it up to you," he said as he moved closer.

"What are you doing?" she asked again softer this time.

"Breaking you outta this joint Clearwater," He said and she instantly felt the lap belt keeping her in bed disappear. Sam had been calling her name repeatedly during this time but no matter what he just couldn't pull her from whatever fantasy her unpredictable mind had conjured up. He stood up and walked to the side of her bed, unknowingly standing opposite Jacob. He reached for her hand that had stilled next to her stale chips.

"You should eat something, Leah," Sam began not hiding the wince when she flinched away from his touch. "You're probably weak," he suggested. Having broken her concentration with Jacob, she irritably looked for something to eat if only to shut Sam up. She bypassed the apple sauce again knowing the heavy drug dose in there would have her knocked out and make her miss her time with Jacob. She ate a piece of the dry sandwich and a few chips before downing half the cup of grape juice. She had the will power not gag on the juice that tasted especially chalky. She threw Sam a look that said "Happy?" before turning her attention back to Jacob, who looked for the briefest of moments completely terror stricken.

"Wha-" she started to ask on his well being before he pasted on a neutral face.

"We have to go Leah, now, that is if you still want to…" he trailed off.

"To follow you, you mean?" she asked. He nodded. "Sam's still here, he'd stop us." At the mention of his name a now silently sobbing Sam looked up at Leah once more.

"No he won't," Jacob replied with a surety and anger that Leah couldn't place. Jacob threw Sam a nasty look before focusing on the girl in front of him. "Tell you what, we'll make a trade. Come with me now, and I'll make you my beta." Leah lifted a quizzical brow. "Yes I came into my birthright and Paul sucks at being my right hand." Leah smiled in amusement at his look of frustration. "I need you Leah. We never should have parted on such a sour note," he finished with a frown. It was at this point that Leah realized Sam was now rubbing her head, more like petting her head. He had the most tortured look on his face and he kept whispering an apology that she for some reason could barely hear. "Join me?" Jacob asked holding his hand out to Leah. Her anger towards Sam forgotten, she looked at the limb. In truth this was what she wanted, to get out the hospital-out of captivity- and she had ventured to that night just a little too late. But something about this felt slightly wrong. As if her decision was being forced. "Please," the younger asked again.

Leah hadn't been able to form words for the last few moments, she felt lethargy beginning to cloud her mind. She had wanted to give Sam a last piece of her mind but found she didn't have the strength to even turn to face the blubbering mess he'd turned into at her bedside. She made her choice and reached for Jacob's hand half expecting her fingers to slide through the non physical hand.

It didn't. Jacob's smile returned to him as he gently lifted her from the bed, her energy returning. Leah realized he seemed so happy. She even let him tuck her under his arm. They were simply ready to walk out the room and Leah wondered how Jacob planned to just walk her right past the doctors, nurses, and guards without any resistance. Not to mention Sam.

"Don't look back," Jacob said when she tried to turn her head and figure out how Sam was responding to her walking out. He rested her head against his chest. Leah was confused as they walked through the closed door and met no resistance, and then Sam's cries met her ears, she suddenly knew what following Jacob meant. And she seemed to also know that something that had been nothing more than shell for over a year was now probably nothing more than a corpse.

* * *

Sam laid in his bed hugging Emily around the waist. Her back was to his chest, he should have felt right and content, protecting and shielding his imprint in his sleep. He had worried endlessly when the guys, his pack brothers kept disappearing in the name of the mighty Jacob. But that seemed like a distant memory when he was faced with Leah. The guys seemed to crumble to Jacob's will anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Leah had been struggling for months. He could see her constant sadness and grief. It went so deep that even Emily felt it. He hated sending Leah to the psyche ward. He had hated himself. But he sincerely thought they could give her help. Well, he thought that when he wasn't worried that maybe she was right.

Then he had been subjected to the most depressing Emily for months. He couldn't take hearing her cry and sob and try to (in vain) hide it from him. He could always feel her pain as if it were his own. It was like she was being attacked but there was no attacker. Who was he supposed to fight and do away with if she was struggling with guilt and grief. Then his thoughts and feelings turned dark as they festered in the black hole that had become of his heart. And not seeing Leah for 7 months did nothing to help him.

He'd had it and made a crude plan of saving everyone. He was like some twisted Superman. He was going to release Leah from her prison, he was going to lessen the grief on Emily's and Sue's shoulders. Lessen being the key word. He figured that mourning for someone who was still alive had to take more energy than for someone who wasn't.

He wasn't cold and heartless, he knew they would mourn her death but it would be closure. Leah was nothing more than a shell of who she was. Leah Clearwater wasn't crazy, but the longer they treated her as such, the more she began to be just that. His twisted logic began to make more sense in his own head. It had been so simple to mix his concoction of meds and poisons that he would have cheered had he not had to deal with his own demons once the deed was done.

Leah's death that day that had been attributed to a miscalculation of drug dosage on the part of select hospital staff had rocked LaPush. Sue had been nearly frantic in grief. It didn't help that over the next two months, decaying corpses would be uncovered as far as three states over and would be identified as the missing members of the pack.

Sam pulled Emily closer to him. He knew she would be sweating by morning but he didn't care. He needed something to hold on to. She was all he had now. He'd murdered his ex girlfriend. He'd watched his entire pack run to their deaths and he was powerless to stop it. And he had to deal with the other imprints now depending on him. Kim would go from shunning him to needing to see him. Claire was uncertain around him which usually led to her crying. And Rachel, so starved for attention from a deceased Paul would lose herself and latch onto Sam with all she had. At first he tried to stop her but with his own depression looming he simply allowed the borderline inappropriate touches to simply happen. He was numb to it all.

The only real feeling he had these days-or nights- was guilt and fear. He was tired and worn because he couldn't sleep. As if on cue he looked up and standing by his dresser with those soulless eyes was Leah. She always showed, perfectly mimicking that look in her eyes when he was sure her soul had left her body in the hospital. She never spoke, hardly moved, and the same look seemed to penetrate him with a promise of unholy torture or certain death.

All he knew for sure was the next time he met up with his pack they were going to rip his soul to pieces.

* * *

A/N: Okay don't ask me where this came from…I couldn't tell you, though I haven't been in the greatest moods for a while now so…heh heh okay maybe I'm a little more in the negative realm of emotions right now if my writing is any indication. This just popped out of nowhere between my data path pipeline program not compiling in C and about 50 NullPointerExceptions in a java program. Anyways…I actually had a really shallow reason for posting:

If you are reading any of my 2 active stories…the reason that I haven't updated in 2 months besides an especially stressed life right now is because all of my story files got corrupted and I haven't put much work into getting them back. I wrote Song of A Shifter's next chapter about 10 times and each time the program fails when I try to save….so yeah any more updates may not be forthcoming until Christmas (my bad). I refused to make an update in my stories that's just me complaining about my jump drive collapsing so I balanced it out. By complaining in a random one shot…yeah it made more sense in my head.

And no this is not the Blackwater fic I wanted to write (though there are a few miniscule details inspired by it (that file's corrupted too(can you have nested parenthetical statements?I've been programming too long))) but maybe it'll come to life in 2011 who knows. I didn't really do much of any proofing or research or anything, it's just a take it as you want type of thing. Like it lemme know, hate it lemme know. Okay I'm gonna stop avoiding homework.


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